I came across some advice from Mark Tyrrell about shyness that really resonated with me.
His point was that shy people are often very self-focused – not in a narcissistic way, but because they are constantly monitoring themselves. How am I coming across? What should I say? What are people thinking of me?
The suggestion was simple: stop trying so hard to be interesting, and instead be interested.
Ask questions. Be curious. Let the other person talk. It gives the conversation somewhere to go and, more importantly, takes the spotlight off yourself.
I’ve been learning to manage my own shyness for years, and I think this is one of the most helpful ways to think about it. When the focus shifts away from self-scrutiny, it becomes easier to relax.
And occasionally there is a lovely moment when you realise you’ve been talking, sharing and connecting without analysing yourself at all.