Had a minor meltdown at work this week. A combination of finding a mountain of paperwork waiting for me after my week off, trying to reconcile myself to reduced hours, coming back on a busy pay day during the rains during which people were leaving early to beat flooded roads but I had to stay until the pays were through, finishing one study course and moving straight onto another, and another painful enterprise bargaining meeting.. in combination with the months of going full pelt, I was a rubber band that had been stretched as far as it could go and I snapped.
The signs of strain have been there a while, and finally I broke down in Ros’ office on Tuesday evening and told her I wanted it all to go away.. I worked myself into a right old state. The next day was my rostered day off I was crook as a dog with migraine and throwing up, couldn’t eat for a couple of days.
I left work early on Thursday, due to working extra time for the meeting on Tuesday, so didn’t catch up with Ros again until Friday. By that time I’d started to calm down and was thinking rationally again. Recently I’ve fantasised a lot about leaving this job, but I had a sudden vision of how much worse I’d be feeling if I was unemployed.
The EBA has been a major contributor to the extremely negative thoughts I’ve been having about work. I’ve had a heavy role to play, involved in both sides of the negotiations and responsible for reporting on the financial situation which supports so many difficult and unpopular decisions. This is compounded by the fact that there is no proper back up for my position, I’m not allowed to get sick on a pay day because there is no one else who knows how to process the payroll!
There are going to be some changes. I know that the EBA will be finished soon and things will get easier, so I haven’t asked to reinstate my hours – the thought of working longer hours there has zero appeal anyway. So I’ve suggested extra hours for the other admin position, for the sole purpose of making that role have shared responsibility for payroll. I think there’s a strong case. If staff weren’t getting paid because I was in the loony bin the organisation would be in very hot water.
So will try to hold it together, and take things a bit easier, and work on building a positive mental attitude. And plan a big party for the day the EBA is finally over.