From Mark Tyrell’s social anxiety tips:
Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people aren’t self-absorbed in a narcissistic way. Quite the opposite, they’re usually really hard on themselves! Shy people are self-absorbed in that they obsess about how they’re coming across and what others are thinking of them.
Shy people can feel they have ‘nothing to say’, that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party.
But consider this: People love you when you find them interesting. So forget about being interesting, and be interested.
Overcoming shyness isn’t about suddenly thinking you’re great. It’s more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.
Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions such as: “How do you know Kathy?” (if Kathy is throwing the party) or: “I live next door. Are you one of Kathy’s tennis friends?” This:
- Gives you something to talk about
- Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you)
- Takes your attention off yourself.
I’ve been learning to deal with my own shyness for years and I think this advice is a terrific starting point. By taking the focus off oneself, you start to relax and eventually feel more at ease in social situations. One day there will be a small element of delight as you realise you are actually opening up and sharing with greater ease and far less (if any) self-scrutiny.