It’s been a tough couple of weeks. I don’t know what really triggered this episode but my thoughts have now moved off suicidal fantasies onto the practicalities of winding up my affairs so I can make a change. ANZAC day has just passed and I found myself envying the diggers who lost their lives heroically in the war. Maybe I should visit the counsellor again; I have been so miserable lately. Just want to disappear without a fuss, leave things neatly in order. I wish to God I wasn’t made this way. I just want to blot out my existence, without any consequences, yet I would like to be missed. People would miss me, I suppose it would be those people I love and they will be very hurt. My mum and dad, Joanne (how could I do this to them?) and my very favourite person, Hermie.
Drinking some rough old brandy, it is bringing tears to my eyes as I gulp it down.
Cry for help, it’s oh so embarrassing.