Things getting on top of me again; frustration at work, frustration at home. H is the light of my life, I just can’t stand the disorder we live in. The clutter is driving me crazy. It seems like there is nowhere I can relax and feel at peace, I think I’m losing my mind. I feel that way at work lately too. I’ve tried to change the way I feel and just accept the way things are. Not working. Feel like running away.
Went to church with Dad today, had a chat about work afterwards, felt ok for a while. Wore off when I got back home, wanted to put a knife to something. Preparing for dinner, saw the old bottle of brandy in the pantry. It’s been there something like five or six years, maybe more. Had sudden urge to scull some down. Burnt my throat, but instantly took some of the edge off. Short while later felt heaps better. By the time H got home from work was noticably affected by the alcohol, he commented. Hip flask is probably not a good idea.