In the last six months I have learnt that my depression is fuelled, in part at least, by my resistance to negative thoughts about myself, and the emotional response this generates.
A major cause of my depression is my fixation on social interaction and the inadequacy I feel in my inability to relate to other people. In situations where I am with other people I put myself under the microscope and lose myself in anxiety.
I wonder sometimes if the place where I work is the right place for me. It is full of people who give generously of themselves to others, and I constantly compare myself to that and come up short. I feel like a dead weight there because I keep to myself, I don’t engage with the others, I don’t contribute.