Category: Daily Life

On day three, feeling quite relaxed. A couple of the little jobs I wanted to get to have been done. Got my car booked in for repair tomorrow. A handyman has been patching up the big hole in the wall, nearly done. Have been successfully ignoring all emails from work. Feeling quite relaxed and luxuriating in my several days off. Another week coming up in Sept!

I’ve been on a low dose of Citalopram for years and my prescription had run out. I phoned the clinic to order a new prescription. I was told I needed to come into the clinic and see the doctor. Fine. I get in there and the doctor starts lecturing me on depression, that it’s not a physical thing it’s associated with reaction to outside factors – eg social or financial problems, best treated with help from a psychologist and that the medication I’m on, sometimes people stay on for one or two years, sometimes longer but that stopping the medication needs supervision from a psychologist.

I’m a little astonished because I didn’t expect any of this, he was treating me as if I was newly diagnosed. I’m there to get a new prescription precisely because I’m aware that I can’t just suddenly stop taking the stuff. In fact this doctor has frequently pointed it out to me. It seems a little unfair. I point out that I have been on the medication considerably longer than one or two years, and that I’m on the waiting list to see a psychologist. It’s been two months, I’d been warned there was going to be a long wait. The doctor says perhaps I need to look elsewhere if I can’t get in to see someone soon.

I don’t mention that for all the years I’ve been on the medication this is the first time a doctor has initiated talk about a psychologist, that two months ago I was the one who asked for the referral. At the time I was well gratified at the response, I was quickly whipped onto some government sponsored program, spent a couple of hours being assessed by the clinic nurse and was shunted off to the psychologist clinic in Ipswich to be re-assessed.

Like a broken record the doctor then mentions that people can be on this medication for one or two years, sometimes longer. He is from a non-English speaking background, perhaps he didn’t understand me – I repeat yes, I have been on this medication for 3 perhaps 4 years. Then I wonder if I am the one being obtuse. Is he telling me that I should be doing something to get myself off it, that there are problems with long term use? I ask about long term effects, he says they are nil, that the medication only increases the seratonin levels in the brain and that seratonin is a hormone that helps people’s ability to cope. He says that depression creates conditions where there are low seratonin levels, it can be combated with staying active, maintaining a healthy mental state. He asks if I go to church, this can also be beneficial.

Ok then, so the point of this lecture is that I should be doing more about ending my reliance on the medication. Not very helpful in the circumstances, but I finally get it. I leave feeling a little angry at the doctor, but I guess he was just doing his job.

Took the day off yesterday, felt headachey and queer in the stomach. Even today it is taking a big effort to get ready, I feel so lethargic. The cure for lethargy is action so I’m forcing myself.

Ros has been off work sick the last couple of days, Alison mentioned “hog wog”. I hope not!

I can’t help but admire the women I work with, each one a “super woman” with her own brand of intelligence and compassion.

Ros and Jane have been of particular support to me in the past 10 days following Nan’s sudden passing. Ros gave me a very lovely thoughtful card and organised a bouquet of flowers from everyone at work. Jane has been wonderful to talk to, encouraging my thoughts and feelings and helping me make sense of the loss.

It has been a week tinged with sadness, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the “enigma” that was Nan. Her funeral service was enlightening, if only because of the insight to how the rest of the family felt about her, and in meeting her oldest friend Aunty Joan, a simply wonderful lady who I would have liked to have spent more time with.

There has been sadness about Nan’s decline in the later years of her life but as the days pass there is prevailing remembrance of all the wonderful things she meant to us. Holding onto all the little things we gave her over the years like treasures; the huge hugs and face full of kisses in greeting; the wonderful laugh she had. It is hard to believe she is gone.

One of my favourite comfort foods produces less than comforting results when I consume it just before bedtime! I was curled up in bed reading a book last night, with my cup of tea and some dark rum’n’raisin chocolate. I woke up this morning shortly after 4am with indigestion. Surely not the chocolate, could have been the raisins?

Just uploaded my completed assignment. Fifth unit completed, nine to go.