Switch on the news these days and it seems like armageddon, much of Australia affected by flood, terrible fires, and now a big earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand.

What counters the shock of all this is the inspiring response of the people. So many of those who have been directly affected by these horrendous disasters, brushing it off with “others are worse off”. The immediate commitment of resources by governments and the armies of volunteers who roll up to help mop up is magical.

The Australian government, already dealing with effects of widespread flooding, immediately offered any available resources needed to help the people of New Zealand. When you consider this against the civil unrest happening right now in Libya, and not long ago in Egypt, it makes me feel very lucky to live in this part of the world.

In the last six months I have learnt that my depression is fuelled, in part at least, by my resistance to negative thoughts about myself, and the emotional response this generates.

A major cause of my depression is my fixation on social interaction and the inadequacy I feel in my inability to relate to other people. In situations where I am with other people I put myself under the microscope and lose myself in anxiety.

I wonder sometimes if the place where I work is the right place for me. It is full of people who give generously of themselves to others, and I constantly compare myself to that and come up short. I feel like a dead weight there because I keep to myself, I don’t engage with the others, I don’t contribute.

Had a thought recently, that my pride is at the root of my low self-esteem. Which seems a little ironic, but I think that it means I frequently set myself up to fail by being prideful and demanding perfection of myself.

I’ve also been reflecting on a couple of comments people have made to me about myself. It seems I present myself in a very neutral way. Ros said that I am sometimes unreadable, but she finds that a good thing because I’m not trying to influence her one way or another. Denis said that with me, there is no game playing or trying to work out the true meaning behind what I say.

I guess I am always in deadly earnest and I think this means I don’t have the knack for the social lubrication which makes interactions pleasant. I am too ready to accept and present things at face value.

Great sci-fi movie with Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, Madelaine Stowe. Post-apocalyptic Earth of not too distant future, a terrorist attack released a killer virus, which wiped out most of the human population. The remaining few are forced to live underground and while science has not yet found a cure for the virus it has discovered the secret of time travel. Prisoner James Cole ‘volunteers’ to take a trip to 1996, just before the virus is released, to discover the source so scientists can find the cure.

Time travel is very disorienting and James Cole bounces back and forth through different time zones, between madness and insanity.

Very cleverly done, much enjoyed.

The British version of Gran Turismo starring Michael Caine. Borrowed Dad’s copy and watched with H. this afternoon. H. reckons it captured the essence of the criminals, and the incompetence of the brass. Always love Michael Caine, great actor. Very violent. Another surprise ending.

One of H.’s colleagues dropped by yesterday. He has a high regard for H. whom he encourages to apply himself to advancing his career and level of pay. In their sector, advancement requires study and written assessment, which H. does not have any patience for. He resents that advancement in his job is geared towards the academically-minded, ignoring those who have years of experience in the field. He feels that much of the theory is politicised and useless in any practical application.

A little conflicted by Brett’s urgings to H. yesterday. On one hand I felt bound to defend H.’s position, on the other wanted to join in and encourage H. to get himself a better deal.

I think it is not an issue that H. is terribly motivated by. Others seem more bothered about it then he. In the long run, as long as he is happy, that’s all I care about.