Category: Daily Life

Unmotivated this weekend. Various demons whispering in my head about worthless things. All I want to do is stay inside and gorge myself and forget the despair from not engaging in the world.

Have just narrowly survived a full-on attack by “Masked Frog” from the TotalWar alliance. Dasani’s plundering earlier weakened my defences, then it was wave upon wave of troops lowering the morale of my city until I nearly lost it. We have ability to teleport and save ourselves, unfortunately I’d made the mistake of trying to save resources by sending transports to my other city 80 miles away. Didn’t realise at the time that this would prevent me getting away. Finally the transports arrived back and I got out of that hell zone as fast as I could.

Janescourt was plundered by a non-allied neighbour “Dasani” last night. He pitted 47,000 archers against my 3,200 towers and made off with over 5mil food and other resources. Attack from a totally unexpected quarter, we’ve all been on guard against the TotalWar alliance.

An incident at work on Monday has triggered a low mood and I thought I would write about it instead of trying to bury it.

As usual I was wrapped up in my work, and Wheelie Wayne (volunteer) rolled into the office. He’s always been something of a pain, stirring the crap out of me, but lately he’s been a real thorn in my side.

Problem is over the past 12 months a lot of things at work have changed, but he hasn’t. He complains about there being nothing for him to do, but he’s not interested in anything I find for him. He goes for weeks without turning up sometimes, or when he does bother to come in he only stays a few minutes.

So I’m really busy, he has nothing to do and comes in to chat. I chat for a little while but soon want to get back to my work. He gets the dirts with me then, and I end up feeling really lousy and guilty about it.

I guess I have this nasty habit of turning to my work while people are chatting to me, it must give off unfriendly signals. I think I need to work on how I handle this situation, be upfront about wanting to get back to my work, maybe make a time to meet for a friendly chat later.

Gahh! wish I’d thought of this with Wayne, we used to get on pretty well. Instead I sent him an email (by reply to a horrible joke he sent me Tuesday morning) that maybe if it is so hard to come into work he needs to make a decision about whether he continues there. Think I should have left well enough alone! Haven’t heard from him since.

Well, if he does come into work again I shall try very hard to take a break from work and invite him to join me for a cuppa. Maybe we can get to the bottom of what is making him unhappy there, and possibly we can do something about it.

Hope, hope, hope that my actions haven’t put him off for good.

Well that was a fast four weeks. Each Monday afternoon I have been leaving work early to go for a therapy session with psychologist. It is really hard work, I seem to be so out of touch with my thoughts and feelings. The last few weeks I have been shown a few different “awareness” and “mindfulness” exercises. Instead of continually struggling with negative and unhelpful thoughts this teaches you to accept them, by observing and defusing from them instead of avoiding them. The hardest part of the sessions has been trying to focus on what I’m thinking/feeling, it was worse than trying to extract teeth! I am to practise the exercises and return in a month to see how far I’ve progressed.

Probably wont give up my day job but had a fun 60 mins today as a fashion show model at a fundraising luncheon. There were six of us, we each had three or four outfits changes. No catwalk thank goodness – walked around the tables at the restaurant. Was fully booked, full of ladies dressed up for Melbourne Cup Day and there were lots of oohs and aahs over the fashions.