I realised with some clarity today that I’m feeling a bit low. Why? some changes afoot at work, and a bit of emotional insecurity.

One of the other office ladies gave notice, she’s leaving at the end of December. There is another position vacant also, so our boss is looking at restructuring.

It makes sense to get a good quality person in at higher pay and responsbility, to take on these two part-time roles, which have been a little problematic in some areas. The boss wants to make the new position full-time, and amped up to a manager position by the looks of things.

I really have to work hard to go humbly at work, and not be jealous of the talents and skills of others. Others being currently another person I work with, who is so brilliant and sparkling at what she does that I just hate myself. At the moment I feel very unimportant and quite irrelevant. I have to remind myself that I’m not there to be important, I’m there to do my work and support others to the best of my ability.

Damn pride and jealousy, be off with you!

From Mark Tyrell’s social anxiety tips:

Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people aren’t self-absorbed in a narcissistic way. Quite the opposite, they’re usually really hard on themselves! Shy people are self-absorbed in that they obsess about how they’re coming across and what others are thinking of them.

Shy people can feel they have ‘nothing to say’, that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party.

But consider this: People love you when you find them interesting. So forget about being interesting, and be interested.

Overcoming shyness isn’t about suddenly thinking you’re great. It’s more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.

Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions such as: “How do you know Kathy?” (if Kathy is throwing the party) or: “I live next door. Are you one of Kathy’s tennis friends?” This:

• Gives you something to talk about
• Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you)
• Takes your attention off yourself.

I’ve been learning to deal with my own shyness for years and I think this advice is a terrific starting point. By taking the focus off oneself, you start to relax and eventually feel more at ease in social situations. One day there will be a small element of delight as you realise you are actually opening up and sharing with greater ease and far less (if any) self-scrutiny.

My birthday last month brought on some sobering memories of the same time last year, when H. had a lucky escape from serious injury by the work van he’d been driving. Last week I was finally shown the related CCTV footage.

The video shows my husband arriving at the scene in the work van, which slips back into gear and moves off while he is jumping out. One of the bad guys is in the van’s path. It is moving slowly but the guy is so stoned he doesn’t get out of the way and is knocked backwards right out of his flip-flops. It was so oddly comical I couldn’t help but laugh – and rewind a couple of times to watch again. Apart from an impaired memory of the event (insisting he’d been run over by an ambulance) the man was completely unharmed.

The camera position didn’t show what was happening on the other side of the van – H. getting his leg jammed between the van and a fence post. About 20 minutes of footage showed crews from just about every emergency service turning up to help. Even a couple of mounted police appeared towards the end, when my husband was being hauled away on a stretcher to his waiting ambulance. Hopefully his last trip to hospital for a while.

This was taken a few months ago, a splendid view of some of my potted herbs and geraniums. There is also a pot of Sansevieria trifasciata, also called snake plant or mother-in-law’s tongue. Beyond the pots in the garden bed above, grows hibiscus from Dad’s cuttings.

Updated 23/10/2013: When pottering in my garden, the gardeners in my family are never far from my thoughts. One such is my Aunty Bern, who passed away yesterday. It’s quite likely she caught the gardening bug from her Mum, my Gran who had a wonderful garden. Bernadette studied horticulture and lovingly tended the North Sydney gardens for the Sisters of St Josephs, of which she was one. She showed my Dad how to strike good cuttings, and some of these are now growing in my garden.

Coming towards the end of another holiday.. back to work in a couple of days. I’ve had two weeks off, the first week at home and just back from my week away with Jo.

The week at home was very productive. I managed to get in a lot of reading and sent off two accounting assignments. In between bouts of study, I finally de-cluttered my office and took a couple of boxes to Lifeline.  I disassembled the shelving unit which had been blocking my window, and moved my desk to where it would better catch the natural light. I put around a few of my favourite photos in frames, and some scented candles. It is now quite a lovely, clean space to work.

The week away with Jo was nice. As well as lazing around our beautiful resort apartment, we went for lots of walks by the beach and shops. Jo’s scooter made such a difference to our time away. It took me a little while to get used to being a little more conspicuous than usual, but it was worth it for Jo’s sake, I think she really enjoyed getting out and about to the extent that we did.  It was a relatively easy and relaxing time away, but in the end it was also nice to get back home. Jo missed her little Ilse, and I missed H. and our fur-babies.